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Dating Rules

Page history last edited by Naug 11 years ago

Dating at a younger age is happening more and more.  What is some advice you would give to a younger sibling about to go on their first date? 

 

What if the first date was someone older?  Are there basic dating rules now?  What do you wish someone told you when you were younger?

 

Comments (40)

wikiuser0330 said

at 11:15 am on May 20, 2013

If I had a younger sibling, I would tell them they should not date anyone 18 or over. I find it strange when adults date kids like 3 years younger than themselves. It would all depend on how much older they were, one to two years is fine. I think that the rule to dating now is you have to be "talking" to them for a while before you can officially say you're dating. I don't wish anyone really told me anything when I was younger.

wikiuser0321 said

at 8:32 pm on May 20, 2013

Personally, I don't find dating someone younger or older than you to be odd, unless the situation is creepily inappropriate. Age doesn't really matter, as long as both of the people are mature and can handle a relationship. The advice I would tell my younger siblings is to not date someone who is an adult until they are 18. An adult dating a minor becomes inappropriate and creepy. The basic dating rules change for everyone, but don't officially say that you're dating until you have known each other for a while and both of you agree on it. I don't really wish I was given any advice when I was younger: making mistakes is a good way to learn how to date.

wikiuser0395 said

at 7:47 am on May 21, 2013

In my family I happen to be the younger sibling and I have gotten a lot of crap got dating older people before and honestly I don't see the big deal. If I had a younger sibling I would stress to him or her that they should always be cautious with whoever they are dating but they should also do what makes them happy. And if the older person that they are dating makes them happy then I would never want to get in the way of that.

wikiuser0392 said

at 9:34 am on May 21, 2013

I am the oldest in my family if my younger sibling was dating someone older I wouldn’t feel very comfortable. Depending on the situation I defiantly wouldn’t want my sibling dating anyone more than 2 years older than them but at this age. I would warn my sibling to be cautions because people aren’t always what they seem. As for dating rules people have to be talking for a while before are considered dating and I personally have to meet this person and approve before my sibling went on a date with them. I don’t really wish anyone told me anything when I was younger.

wikiuser0405 said

at 8:54 am on May 22, 2013

I am the oldest in my family and I have daten guys a few years older than I am. I would tell my sibling just to be smart about it. I think that it really isnt a big deal if its like 2-3 years older but if it was like 5 or more i would not be okay with that. I think that it would be to much of an age gap. I dont wish anyone told me anything when i was younger. I think everyone needs to learn what they are comfotable with. If you are okay with dating someone older than you then go for it. I know that it wont hurt you to date someone older or younger its just a matter of what you are comfortable with and that you need to be smart about it.

wikiuser0367 said

at 6:54 pm on May 22, 2013

I would tell a younger sibling to be careful if they were going to date someone older. I think people do see it as a little weird when someone over 18 is dating anyone younger than a junior in high school, if that person just turned 18 or 19 that is. I do not wish anyone told me anything when i was younger because I think you need to learn some things on your own.

wikiuser0385 said

at 10:19 pm on May 22, 2013

I suppose one year age difference I would be okay with for a younger sibling, however, even two years in high school is a huge difference. I'm embarrassed to say but I do know from personal experience that there is a big age gap that you probably won't realize until after it's all over with. First dates don't seem to exist in high school, really, so I would say the first time my younger sibling went over their boyfriend/girlfriend's house I would be worried because I know what CAN happen. I just hope that they don't make the same mistakes that many people do. I don't wish anybody told me anything because like someone said above, you need to learn some things on your own. More than that, though, I would be offended and basically keep doing it to defy the rules that person thinks they set for me, so I'm glad I could learn that on my own and be happy in the process :)

wikiuser0398 said

at 8:05 am on May 23, 2013

I would tell them to try and stick to their own grade when dating. As you get older the age gap starts to mean less, but when you are younger age means a lot more. If the age gap is only a couple years I do not see a problem with it, but if it is 5 years or more then I don't think I would be okay with that. As for dating rules I defiantly think they exist in today's society. Just because they exist does not mean that everybody knows them. It is very hard to even know if you are actually dating because of all the labels, like together or talking, that are used.

wikiuser0393 said

at 11:26 am on May 23, 2013

I have an eleven year old sister. If I found out that she was going on a date, regardless of the kid's age she was going with, my advice would be for her not to go. No one needs to date someone in the 6th grade. It's stupid. She can wait until at least high school to start dating. So when she gets there, I would tell her to be smart and make sure it's a good kid. As for dating rules, I really don't know.

wikiuser0333 said

at 12:31 pm on May 23, 2013

Having a younger sibling, I can relate to this. She has told me on multiple occasions that she likes certain boys and that scares me already. I think my advice would be to just be careful, don't expect much from it, and to just get to know the person. But she can start dating in high school, nothing before then. As far as dating someone older, I would say that there is only a certain point in to which it is appropriate at this age. A few years isn't a huge deal but if we start talking about middle schoolers dating late high schoolers, than we would have a problem. I feel like the basic dating rules now are to be with whoever makes you happy and treats you right but to be with someone relatively the same age as you. If you start getting into a double digit age difference, you realize that you are both in completely different stages of life and you shouldn't be dating them. I feel like I wish someone really stressed to me to take things slow with dating, that it's okay to just hang out with a person to get to know them a while before actually labeling a relationship, because sometimes you might not end up liking them. I also wish that people would have told me that middle school relationships don't last, and rarely do high school ones and that it won't be the end of the world. Oh, and a warning that people change a lot throughout high school would have been nice too.

wikiuser0382 said

at 1:13 pm on May 23, 2013

A relationship is something that people learn how to make and have; it should be of feelings and emotions, not a textbook-style outline that dictates how events and thoughts should come about. Of course education regarding what a relationship should not be (like abuse) and what it should be (love, equality) goes a long way, so really in the end it is the individuals that are involved who should make their own decisions about their relationships once they possess the knowledge of equality and fairness. I do not have a younger sibling, but if I did, I would provide as much advice as I could. If I had sensed that there was trouble (abuse, cheating, etc.) I would use my own or others' experience in the attempt to shed light on my sibling's problems. In terms of advice for a first date, regardless of my sibling's gender, I would tell them to "keep it real", play it casually, and not be to madly in love just yet, to let love grow over time. If the date was someone who was older, I would still be accepting; if the date was three-four years older or over the age of eighteen I would definitely be cautious for my sibling and may even want to meet their date before anything happens because, in reality, there are people out there that are sick enough to take advantage of kids. For rules, it's hard to determine because everyone is different; I believe, however, that a date is meant for each person to get to know each other on a deeper level while having fun, so any kind of date that allows that is a great one. I wish that someone had told me when I was younger to basically "keep it real" and not ingratiate myself just for acceptance; the key to love is trust and truth, and if you lie or make yourself out to be someone who you are not, you are denying love to yourself and your partner(s).

wikiuser0356 said

at 2:38 pm on May 23, 2013

I would tell a younger sibling to not do anything they are not ready for. I would tell them dating is a serious thing and you have to treat your partner with the upmost respect. If somebody's older things change. More serious things happen with older people. I don't think it's the best idea to date somebody that's too much older than you, especially if your in high school. If your in high schoo ypu shouldnt date anybody thats more than 2 years older than you. Today you have to be talking to somebody for a good amount of time before you can say your dating. You also have to go out at least twice before its dating. I don't really wish anybody told me anything because its good to find things out in your own time.

wikiuser0390 said

at 3:17 pm on May 23, 2013

If I had a younger sibling I would give them advice to really get to know the person before they go on the date. I feel like when you are younger than high school dating should only date people in your grade. Once they get to highschool, I think it depends on the maturity level of the two. I think to have set rules is unfair because I believe every situation should be treated differently. I believe when I was younger I got all the advice I needed or wanted. My sister was very open to me and allowed me to ask questions and for advice.

wikiuser0361 said

at 5:06 pm on May 23, 2013

One thing I would tell a younger sibling about dating would be to always tell your parents where and who you are going out with. God forbid something was to happen your family knows who you were with and where you were. Dating can be exciting and extremely nerve racking. However sometimes it doesn’t go as well as you hoped for. In your mind they can have all the qualities you look for…but in the end the chemistry isn’t there. Don’t change who you are for someone; the relationship isn’t worth it if you are constantly acting like a different person. Don’t feel force to go farther than you find comfortable.
There is nothing wrong with dating someone older than you, AS LONG as that person can respect that you may be too young and not ready to make a serious commitment.
My number one dating rule is BE YOURSELF. If they don’t like you for you…why would you want to date them? Be strong. You are a person not an accessory.
Dating is trial and error; you live and you learn what you like.

wikiuser0317 said

at 7:31 pm on May 23, 2013

I have a little brother and he's dating his first girlfriend. I'm glad he trusts me enough to tell me this. I always remind him that he's young and that things aren't and/or shouldn't be that serious. Of course there is nothing wrong with dating someone at this age. I tell him to be himself, and to not start being irresponsible with school and other things. I don't really agree with large age gaps. People older are already grown and should be looking to settle down where as someone younger is still trying to just find themselves. Couple with a big age gap aren't always on the same page. I'm glad my brother is dating someone in his grade, therefore he doesn't feel pressured into doing anything he doesn't want to do by someone older. What I wish someone would have told me was to take it slow.

wikiuser0317 said

at 7:38 pm on May 23, 2013

Dating someone older could also mean that they're not going to really respect your wishes. They might want more than you are willing to give. Since dating is starting at a younger age now, I think it's important for younger kids to know how to get out of an uncomfortable situation before things get unsafe. I also think it's crucial for parents to have barriers and be strict when they have to be. Dating rules is something that the people in the relationship should establish themselves. That way they know and agree on certain things. COMMUNICATION IS KEY!

wikiuser0381 said

at 9:58 pm on May 23, 2013

some advice I would give my sibling on her first date would be to be careful and not to get into anything stupid. the girl needs to protect herself. if he is an older guy and the girl is younger all he might want is sex, so she will need to watch out for that. I would make sure I always know where my sister is at all times since I worry about her and want her safe.

wikiuser0360 said

at 10:09 pm on May 23, 2013

I believe that there should be an age to going out on a date. young girls needs to be protective over themselves and know right from wrong. young girls could be very naïve and try to do anything to make them be "cool". young girls and boys should wait till they are older to go on dates since they have there whole lives in front of them to date and experience.

wikiuser0332 said

at 12:23 pm on May 24, 2013

Personally I wouldn't find dating someone younger or older to be much of a problem. I don't think age should matter unless there is too big an age difference. I would just warn the person to be cautious and careful with what they do. The older person is usually going to have a lot more experience than the younger person and that could cause a problem sometimes. However, as long as they are happy together and they are careful with dating, I don't see a problem. I don't wish anyone told me anything when I was younger because I was never in this situation.

wikiuser0394 said

at 12:56 pm on May 24, 2013

I do have a younger sibling and I have been given advice by an older friend as if he were my older brother. The advice he gave me, which I would pass on to my younger brother as he begins going on first dates, is to simply make his date laugh and have a good time. Simply hanging out, making jokes and enjoying each other's company is usually the best way to go on a date regardless of age. Even young adults at 21 years old can date with the single goal in mind of having a good time with whomever he is dating. I would tell my younger brother not to over-think or micro-manage anything that happens on the date since this just isn't necessary. I would also tell him to be able to let things go since awkward moments can arise but moving on helps move the night along smoothly. These are two points that I wish I was told at a younger age as well. There are probably dating rules, like no kissing on the first date and usually walking the date to her car; most of the rules revolve around common decency and an ability to be courteous.

wikiuser0400 said

at 1:18 pm on May 24, 2013

I personally believe that you shouldn't date anyone three or four years older then you and if your under 18 I think you shouldn't date anyone above your age level. and I feel if someone who's like 26 and wants to date a 16 year old has a problem.and they will probably take advantage of that 16 year old.

wikiuser0341 said

at 3:34 pm on May 24, 2013

Since I do have a younger sibling the advice I would give is to just be yourself, and have fun. I would tell him that if he doesnt like her to end it after the first date, and not just keep talking to them because he feels bad or doesnt know how to not keep dating them. I dont think people should date older in their teenage years because there is such a difference in the stages of life they are going through. For example, a freshman dating a senior or junior. Seniors and juniors are getting ready for college and a freshman is just starting to learn about high school and things that come along with that. I wish someone told me not to date untill maybe junior year so that you dont get caught up in having a boyfriend. I dont think there are any dating rules.

wikiuser0378 said

at 3:55 pm on May 24, 2013

I would tell a younger sibling to have fun and not take things too fast. For instance, if someone is going out with an older person, they might want to move faster than the younger person is ready for. there is a huge difference between a 14 and a 18 year old in their mindset and their sexual awareness. To sum up, i would greatly advise a young teenager to move at their own pace and not at that of someone older because those few years can mean a whole lot.

wikiuser0396 said

at 3:57 pm on May 24, 2013

I don't think anyone should be dating someone more than three years older than them. The two in the relationship just have different mentalities and it could lead to a bad situation. No one should feel pressured to do anything in the relationship if they aren't comfortable. As far as dating rules go, just take things slow. Talk to the person for a while and let the other person know how you feel about things as it goes on. Just be yourself instead of how they may want you to be.

wikiuser0397 said

at 3:59 pm on May 24, 2013

If I had a younger sibling I would advise them to be smart on who they let in to their life and to always remember you're young, this isn't the guy/girl of your life. Personally I think it's super creepy if and older woman dates younger guys, maybe because it's implanted in my mind that the man should always be older. However if a 20yr old guy is dating a 15 year old girl then that's obviously illegal and far too creepy. But if you match up a 30yr old man with a 25yr old woman it suddenly becomes okay, which is where I say if both are mature enough to handle the relationship and understand each other then there should be no age restraints. However high school students shouldn't date outside the high schooler age because they're still immature and know of no life beyond high school where if they date a college student that can obviously become a conflict simply because of that. I don't really wish anyone had told me anything about dating

wikiuser0351 said

at 6:40 pm on May 24, 2013

I would tell my younger sibling to not rush into anything. Young love is so meaningless and pointless. At a young age, kids should be making friends and having fun, not tying themselves down with relationships. If the first date is someone older, you're moving too fast and not ready for the requests and demands that will come with that relationship. You have to have experience if you are going to get involved with someone older, which means you shouldn't get involved in the first place. My rule for dating would be don't dive into anything too fast. I wish someone had told me not to worry so much about relationships in high school.

wikiuser0326 said

at 9:05 pm on May 24, 2013

If my younger brother was going on his first date, I'd tell him to have fun and not take things too fast. Get to know the person you think you like, maybe it you find out they aren't as great as you thought they were or you don't really want to be more than friends. I'd also tell he has time, especially if it didn't go well, he's still young and has his whole life ahead of him. If the date was with someone older, it might be an issue if they were legally an adult. My brother is only 15, he doesn't know a whole lot and he still has a lot of growing up to do. If both parties are adults, it becomes much less weird. I think it's mostly an issue if it's, say an 18 year old and a 13 year old for example. No one ever really told me anything when I was younger, and I'm kind of glad they didn't. Just because one thing works for one couple doesn't mean that the same thing will affect another couple the same way.

wikiuser0391 said

at 9:45 pm on May 24, 2013

I I had a younger sibling that was going on a date, I would most likely tell him/her to be safe and to not do anything that he/she doesn't feel comfortable with. That being said, I believe that it would make a difference if my sibling was only a yer younger than myself or many years younger. With a sibling who was only a year younger, I would feel more confident in their decision making, while with a a sibling much younger than myself, I would question their decision making skill and be more worried. If my sibling were about to go on a date with someone older, I would most likely want to meet whoever they are dating, but more importantly, at this at range, make sure he/she isn't dating someone too much older; a year or so older would probably be my limit. However, I believe that as a whole, there are no general dating rules nowadays. With technology being readily available and each relationship being so different, there is no one rule that is quintessential to dating. As an only child, my lessons about relationships truly revolved around the relationships of others around me. I wasn't given or told much, rather I believe I learned more from observing the mistakes and realities of those around me

wikiuser0372 said

at 10:56 pm on May 24, 2013

The advice I would give someone younger than me is to be careful and make sure you trust them. I don't think age is really a problem as long as they're both mature and they're on the same level. I would say for a first date to make sure you have your own ride there and back, and I make sure you trust them. DO NOT be afraid to say no. If you ever feel the need to leave do not be afraid to do so. My basic dating rules are just to be safe and not to do anything serious. You're still young and you have your whole life ahead of you to do things.

wikiuser0380 said

at 1:03 am on May 25, 2013

The advice I would give is to not date someone older/younger than a 2 year age gap for maturity reasons

wikiuser0380 said

at 1:04 am on May 25, 2013

Also plan the date in advance and get to know the person you`re dating well.

wikiuser0355 said

at 9:00 am on May 25, 2013

I would tell them just to be careful. They shouldn't do anything that they are not comfortable with. If there is any problems I would tell them to call me right away. It is easy to get caught up in going on a first date. It's exciting and gets your heart racing, but you should never do anything you are not comfortable with. Set your limits and don't think "Oh he's older" and do it because he makes you. You cannot be afraid of the person and cannot be afraid to say no to them. If you are uncomfortable, stop what is happening. There are not any general dating rules anymore. Dating rules are set by the person themselves with how comfortable they feel doing different things. With cell phones, I would make sure they had it on them no matter what. They can always use it in case of an emergency. There should be no worrying that something will go wrong as long as they are clear about their limits.

wikiuser0355 said

at 9:03 am on May 25, 2013

Also, as the older sibling, I cannot be scared. I have to trust my younger sibling that they will be safe and responsible. If I don't give them that trust, then they will not give themselves that trust.

wikiuser0350 said

at 7:41 am on May 29, 2013

If I had a younger sibling who was going on a first date, I would tell them yo be themselves and to just be careful of what you get yourself into. I wouldn't tell them not to be scared. I would tell them just to keep their cell phone on them in case of an emergency. If the person if older, I would tell them to know their limits and if they get rushed to say no even when its in the best of the moment if they aren't ready.

wikiuser0338 said

at 8:01 am on May 29, 2013

I do not think dating at a younger age is not a big deal as long as the two people dating are ready. Everyone matures at their own pace and if the two are ready then i think it is fine. I would say if the sibling is dating someone older i would say be careful and don't get taken advantage of. I don't really think there are basic dating rules and I don't really wish anyone told me anything when I was younger because I just started dating now and I'm mature enough to handle it on my own.

wikiuser0343 said

at 8:46 am on May 29, 2013

I would just say to use your judgement, but if they arent even in highschool i wouldnt really worry about it. I wouldnt approve of someone who isnt in highschool dating an upper classmen because that is just creepy. I would assume my sibling would have good judgement and i would tell them to come to me with any questions and tell me what happened.

wikiuser0387 said

at 9:53 am on May 29, 2013

if i had a younger sibling that was dating i would have to approve of the person because i dont want just any old girl with him i want the best. Now a days there arent many rules for dating except usually first date is taking them out to dinner or a movie and paying for them and having good manners after that its usually just goibg to eachothers houses or something.

Naug said

at 10:19 am on May 31, 2013

Thank you all for sharing your advice. A lot of you suggested that experience is often the best teacher. While I agree with all of you, if you could prevent just a little bit of pain or discomfort for a sibling, wouldn't you want to at least make the effort?

wikiuser0369 said

at 12:10 pm on May 31, 2013

I believe that if my sibling wants to date someone younger or older than they can but within reason. You can't be a freshman and date someone in college vice versa. Some advice for siblings going on a first date is to not be nervous at all and just be yourself. Don't try and impress the other one by changing yourself just remain the same. There are no basic rules I believe but everyone should go into a date/relationship knowing their own boundaries and apply that same thought into the significant other.

wikiuser0344 said

at 9:53 am on Jun 6, 2013

I wouldn't trust anyone dating my younger siblings, in modern day society people are generally liars and untrustworthy, for obvious reasons its much safer for males to date than females and there is a less need of concern for them.

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